Nette Life

I had a very disturbing conversation with an old friend today. I am not one to call people on a regular basis (I hate talking on the the phone) but in the world we live in, sometimes the phone is the only way to keep in touch especially since letter writing seems to have gotten terribly out of fashion. Anyway, when I do call people, I try to call with pleasantries instead of just being the bearer of bad news all the time. Well, some people, I suppose are on the opposite side of this and seem to relish bringing to forth bad news. These give me a headache and makes me wish I hadn’t answered the phone.

Here is the gist of this conversation: the wife of a friend (whom we grew up with) called to ask whether we had any notion, growing up with her husband, that he would have any homosexual tendencies. WTF? So our guy friend is the sensitive type, not macho. So he had idiosyncrasies that could, in hindsight, be viewed as a little effeminate. So he has been teased by other guys about being gay. So what if he was more comfortable with his female friends than male friends? So what if it took him forever to ask a girl out? He could be just any geeky guy, right? That’s what I’d like to think. That’s the guy I knew and grew up with. He was the brother figure I didn’t have. Most of my male friends who weren’t boyfriends were like that.

I haven’t seen him since high school though, so I don’t know what kind of man he has become. I know he got married and they have three kids. I’ve heard he and his wife do not have the best relationship, but no one is perfect and marriage sure ain’t easy. So now I hear he’s been frequenting bi-sexual websites and even has a private account on one of them. So the question his wife is asking his old friends is, is he gay?

I don’t know. I no longer know him well enough to tell. The wife said said that when she confronted him, he said he was just bored and was just looking around. She doesn’t buy it. She thinks this is good grounds to leave him. Good grounds or not, I think she was already on the road to leaving him anyway. I suggest talking it out between them first, but I don’t think they even have that kind of relationship that they can rationally discuss something like this without going off on each other.

I wish them all the luck and hope they can work things out, but really, I can’t do anything but be supportive as a friend. To him. Not her since I really don’t know her. But with him, I at least have a history. Am I wrong to not entertain this further because I think it’s none of my darn business? Because I think I peeved off our other friend (the bearer of this bad news) because I wouldn’t get into speculating and ‘connecting the signs’ from our childhood. I just wouldn’t be much of a friend if I did that. I can’t call him since I know he would be thoroughly embarrassed if he found out his wife has been airing their dirty laundry. This news just made me really sad and made me wish I hadn’t answered the phone.
What would you have done? Would you have jumped into the guess fest? Would you be calling other old friends to see if they saw what you saw back in the day?

I didn’t think so.