Nette Life

There are people who like send offs. You know the type, they love taking people to the airport or bus stations, they love retirement parties and going away parties. Some actually even like funerals, the ultimate good bye party.

Not me. I dread goodbyes and even avoid them when I can. I have two nieces, 4 and 5 years old who will not say good bye. They ignore any attempts to say goodbye because they think that if you don’t give the good bye hug or kiss, the person somehow will not go away. I’m kind of the same way, although my reasons are different, ultimately, I guess they are the same.

For me, goodbyes are awkward. I don’t ever know what to say or I’m afraid I’d get too emotional. So, I make them as lighthearted or as off hand as possible. As in, “I’ll see you soon!” to someone whom I know I won’t be seeing for a very long time. “Drive safe!” when I should say I wish he wasn’t going and I’m going to miss him terribly. “Have a great time!” when what I really want to say is, I wish I was going instead of you or I wish I was going with you.

When you know someone is going away permanently, is there a gracious way to say goodbye? Is there a way to encapsulate the life time of “should have saids” in a moment? No, I can answer that there isn’t a way.

I wish I could have been more forthcoming with how I felt and with my appreciation for every person in my life. Why was it so difficult to just say I love you, I admire you, I appreciate you? Why did it take me so long to learn this and am still having difficulty with expressing my appreciation? What made me this way? I always wonder…

But, there is time to learn and that’s partly what this blog is about. This is just me, thinking out loud.