Looking up

Lord,

It has been a long time since I entered your house and I turn away when someone starts talking to me about the bible. But you haven’t abandoned me yet, have you? Because just like that poem about footsteps in the sand, you are always there to carry me when I am too weak to stand.

I thought about you after I finished writing this post yesterday about listening to or paying attention to signs. I said it was LIFE sending the signs. Yes, I even said life was sending signs through the internet.  But it was really YOU wasn’t it? Oh i know I am just a hairline away from coming straight out and declaring myself an atheist, but I wouldn’t really mean that. I still believe in you, God, I really do. I just have a really bad aversion to salesmen and some of yours are the worst! Nothing personal, I know how hard it is to find good help these days.

But really, what I’m trying to say is THANK YOU. Thank you for not giving up on me even when I am ready to give up on you. Thank you for always showing me the signs and sometimes you’re not very subtle about it either. You know how I could be a little slow.

I’m learning to pay attention though and I’m learning to expect a sign from you whenever something is troubling me. I am learning to recognize the signs, even the ones that are not too clear or the ones that I don’t quite agree with. I am learning that the signals you give to tell me which way I should go are not always what I wish for, but I’m also learning to trust them. Sorry I’m a little slow like that. It’s that stubborn know-it-all in me, but you know that already; that’s why sometimes you send multiple signals and sometimes you stop just short of putting your message on neon signs with a big red X on it. But I’m learning, you won’t have to shout so loud or use bold and capital letters soon to get my attention.

This is holy week and Easter is on Sunday. Your devout followers have been going through the ritual of worshiping you, some of them for the last month! All I’ve done so far is contemplate what to have for Easter dinner and maybe boil some eggs. Well ok, I thought about coloring them too. Sorry about that, like I said, I’m not into the religious rituals thing. But you know I love you, right? You know that eventually all the decisions I make in life, I will make to honor you. Right?

Well this week, you’ll be proud of me because I turned the other cheek. I did it because of the signs you kept dropping on me just when I was letting ugliness and hate overcome me. And even when I decided to follow your signs, you just didn’t know when to stop! You still kept sending them! But that’s ok, because it made me feel better about forgiving. At least I didn’t feel too much like a doormat to be trampled on. I felt more like the welcome mat that people stepped on and saved dirt from tracking in the house.

So Lord, whatever it is that is being celebrated this Easter, your death or your resurrection, Happy that! And thanks again for not giving up on me. There is hope for me yet, I think.

j

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