My Guilt

I don’t know if it’s the time of the month, the full moon or just my general state of mind but sometimes I get overly sensitive and every little thing can get me down. That’s how it is today.

On the blogging front, I just had a blog rejected by PPP that I have been working hard to improve. It will mean less income from sponsored posts for me. I also lost PageRank on two of my blogs, Amoores and Cooked from the Heart. They are now both sitting at 0 PR from 3.  I don’t do any sponsored posts on those blogs so it doesn’t really affect me financially. It’s just the thought of having PR reduced on blogs that I have taken care to cultivate and grow.

On the financial front, money is tight. I guess that’s one reason the PPP rejection stings more. I have to find ways to cut more from our budget. My main problem, I know, is saying NO to my family. I just feel guilty when I can’t get something they want or need. They don’t ask for much, so that makes me feel even more guilty.

On the personal front,  I hate that I feel guilty when my husband is in a bad mood. When he’s angry and ranting about things, why do I feel like it’s directed at me? Why do I get defensive and start reading things into what he says so that it may be meant for me? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t but it still gets to me.

Fair Weather Friends

Through the WoodsI had a very disturbing conversation with an old friend today. I am not one to call people on a regular basis (I hate talking on the the phone) but in the world we live in, sometimes the phone is the only way to keep in touch especially since letter writing seems to have gotten terribly out of fashion. Anyway, when I do call people, I try to call with pleasantries instead of just being the bearer of bad news all the time. Well, some people, I suppose are on the opposite side of this and seem to relish bringing to forth bad news. These give me a headache and makes me wish I hadn’t answered the phone.

Continue reading “Fair Weather Friends”

Forgive and Forget

I don’t get angry often. I’m usually good at letting things slide off my back and not letting it bother me. But when I do get angry, once I get on that roll, I have a hard time putting the brakes on. It takes me a long time to cool off, and it doesn’t help that the more I think about it, the angrier I get.

That’s what happened tonight. A friend/cousin left a very irritating and throughtless comment on one of my blogs. If she had emailed me privately, I could have brushed it off as is my usual way. By her posting her comment/suggestion on a public forum, I can’t help but feel that she did it to show off and put me on the spot. I’m still simmering and I’m having a hard time focusing on writing anything for my blogs so I decided to just catch up on reading emails.

You know how old people always say that the Lord always sends you help when you need it? Sometimes all you need to do is recognize it and accept it. That thought was what was on my mind when I read this from The Simple Dollar:

Forgive the people in your life for their mistakes.
One final aggravation and mood reducer, for me, is people. There are people in my life that I have a very hard time being around, usually because I’ve witnessed them doing something foolish or wrong that’s bothered me quite a bit. If I hang onto this, every time I’m around them my stomach is full of bile.
The best solution is to try to forgive that person by realizing that everyone is human and has failings. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable around someone because they’re a loudmouth, or maybe you witnessed a person taking a truckload of stuff from the office supply closet. These people made a mistake, and quite often that mistake is a result of their human failings.
Do some honest introspection and realize that you have failings, too. Others may see these failings in you and feel uncomfortable around you. It’s no different than how you feel about this person that’s bothering you.
Once you’ve done that, it’s often easy to forgive most people. You’ll see that the person you despise is just a person, warts and all, just like you are, and it becomes much easier to not be filled with negativity when they’re around.

So right now I’m doing a lot of exhaling and letting all the negativity that I’ve allowed in me, out. I’m trying to think kind thoughts instead of the vile responses I’ve been concocting in my head.

Peace. Om.

One last rant

Yes, please allow me one more rant about people who give gifts they can’t really afford. Most of the time, I really can’t afford to buy gifts for everyone I know. Sometimes it is hard enough for me to budget in gifts for my own kids! So I don’t give gifts and I don’t expect them either.

Now if you are going to give me gifts, I am happy to receive them. I am appreciative. But there is one always that one person that I wish I never got a gift from. Right now, I am wishing I can give the gift back.

Now don’t give and then complain to the recipient later on about how much you spent buying gifts and now you are broke? WTF!! Sometimes I can’t figure out if some of these people are just crass or just clueless.