On the blogging front, I just had a blog rejected by PPP that I have been working hard to improve. It will mean less income from sponsored posts for me. I also lost PageRank on two of my blogs, Amoores and Cooked from the Heart. They are now both sitting at 0 PR from 3.  I don’t do any sponsored posts on those blogs so it doesn’t really affect me financially. It’s just the thought of having PR reduced on blogs that I have taken care to cultivate and grow.

On the financial front, money is tight. I guess that’s one reason the PPP rejection stings more. I have to find ways to cut more from our budget. My main problem, I know, is saying NO to my family. I just feel guilty when I can’t get something they want or need. They don’t ask for much, so that makes me feel even more guilty.

On the personal front,  I hate that I feel guilty when my husband is in a bad mood. When he’s angry and ranting about things, why do I feel like it’s directed at me? Why do I get defensive and start reading things into what he says so that it may be meant for me? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t but it still gets to me.

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Life is also how we deal with those loses. Cry our eyes out, sure. Suffer the heart ache, sure. But never, never should our loses stop us. Just as we learn as kids to get up after a fall, we pick ourselves up, dust off our bottoms and dry up our tears and keep going.

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Not me. I dread goodbyes and even avoid them when I can. I have two nieces, 4 and 5 years old who will not say good bye. They ignore any attempts to say goodbye because they think that if you don’t give the good bye hug or kiss, the person somehow will not go away. I’m kind of the same way, although my reasons are different, ultimately, I guess they are the same.

For me, goodbyes are awkward. I don’t ever know what to say or I’m afraid I’d get too emotional. So, I make them as lighthearted or as off hand as possible. As in, “I’ll see you soon!” to someone whom I know I won’t be seeing for a very long time. “Drive safe!” when I should say I wish he wasn’t going and I’m going to miss him terribly. “Have a great time!” when what I really want to say is, I wish I was going instead of you or I wish I was going with you.

When you know someone is going away permanently, is there a gracious way to say goodbye? Is there a way to encapsulate the life time of “should have saids” in a moment? No, I can answer that there isn’t a way.

I wish I could have been more forthcoming with how I felt and with my appreciation for every person in my life. Why was it so difficult to just say I love you, I admire you, I appreciate you? Why did it take me so long to learn this and am still having difficulty with expressing my appreciation? What made me this way? I always wonder…

But, there is time to learn and that’s partly what this blog is about. This is just me, thinking out loud.

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Today, while reading my feeds, The Simple Dollar has a great article on how to start a simple budget. I am seriously thinking of putting myself on a tighter budget. Because even though I’ve managed to increase my income, I haven’t increased my savings, only my expenses. I am still living paycheck to paycheck, fearing my money will run out before the next one arrives. I want to get out of that.
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Anyway, yesterday, they were talking about things that we dare live without. They featured two families who have been living a wasteful lifestyle and dared them to give up their splurges and luxuries for a week.
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The message is really simple. I wonder why more of us don’t realize it earlier. Most of us probably won’t get see life with the same clarity until we are given a death sentence. But while Randy Paush has been given that deadline, I think he’s been clear on his idea of how to live life long before he got the bad news.

Listen closely to his advice on being a parent to your kids and nurturing that sense wonder in them and maybe awaken it in ourselves.

I like finding inspirational messages like this because it reminds me to get off my lazy butt and start living life fully.

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I’ve been a little behind on updating my entrecard accounts. I have five of them. So I thought I better do it this morning. When I visit people who have dropped cards on me, I try to see what their blog’s about first before dropping my card. I guess that’s why I’m a little slow on dropping speed. Anyway, I visited one blog which led me to another and guess what I found… a contest!

A Land’s End Allergy Free Pillow is being given away at Healthy Home Blog. It’s very easy to win, all you have to do is leave a comment. If you’d like to increase your chances though, you may want to blog about it like I just did

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Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain….
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God’s always ready, to answer your call….
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear…
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, by dawn’s early light…
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.

Most people who know me will know I’m not deeply religious, so don’t take this as a religious message, but merely a message of faith. Sometimes we just gotta have faith in anything, not necessarily in a God per se, but knowing that there is a higher purpose and vision for everything we do or go through. And that sometimes we will make mistakes in judgment but it doesn’t mean that we have to pay for it forever. We can go on.

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